I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize