I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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