It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
