If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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