so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
