he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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