I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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