This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
