she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
