remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
