brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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