dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
