I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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