all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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