I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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