Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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