I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
