They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
