and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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