Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
