she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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