WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
