we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have surprise drugs for everyone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
