I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
