your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize