Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
