you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
