textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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