I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
