the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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