tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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