if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
