I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
