Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Two words: nipple clamps
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
