Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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