I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
