I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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