Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
