I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
