I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
