its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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