Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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