Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
