I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
