I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I only lived at night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
