Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i've created a new STD.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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