Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
