my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
