oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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