She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
