So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
