party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
