There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
