I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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