in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
