How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
