I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
