Please, let me fuck your mom
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
