Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
