Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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