Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
