Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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