Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
