either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this beer tastes like vomit already
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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