I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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