Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
