Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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