i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As shirtless as possible
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Randomize
