i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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