I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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