Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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