wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
